Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
