There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sorry my hands just texted you
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
