It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
