i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize