i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
