can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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