my shit smells like andre
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
