So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
