I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You smell like stripper and shame
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
