This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
