you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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