Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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