I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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