you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize