This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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