he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
