I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
