They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we're making bets on your personal life
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
