please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
