Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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