Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
