he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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