I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I intend to get homeless drunk
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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