YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
