yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
