and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
