I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize