Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
