i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize