I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
