She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
