i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You can't special order awesome
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
