You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
