When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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