he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
