So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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