would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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