I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
