He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize