You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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