ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
