Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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