So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
