I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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