Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
