i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
