walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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