Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
