not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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