your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Say something about gay babies.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
