there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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