Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
