found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
