You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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