return my video game
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
