yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
ttyl tear gas
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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