can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
