Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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