Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize