Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
we're so committed to being not committed
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
