Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
