He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she told me i tasted like america
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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