Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
