Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
