the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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