I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
