if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
be right there i have to get my cape
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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