i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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