and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
