I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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