Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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