champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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